Follow the beat of your own drum

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I think that I, like many, are trying to find a purpose or a driving force here in life. Especially when you’re younger. No matter how many generations back or how many generations to come, that will be a consistent topic of interest to each and every single individual that has come into consciousness regardless of length in it.

I have always been interested in the reason why things are the way they are. Where things come from and what will happen next. About a year ago I decided to take my photography more serious. Try and define myself more as a human and artist. Asking myself what medium I enjoy conveying my thoughts with the most. I picked photography cause I find it to be the subject that not only has stuck with me for more then 10 years, but also because I see it working for me in real life. Now and in the future. I have hopes for it. On a personal level and a global. To be a very important tool for how human society will function.
In other words; I have passion and hope for the visual arts.

It’s not like I picked up a camera over 10 years ago and knew this was it. I’m going to devote my life for photography and nothing else. No. It’s something I’ve realized with time. Something I’ve realized with the help of doing things I came to understand wasn’t my “thing”. And here comes the reason this picture is in this post. The picture is ripped out pages from a notebook I’ve had for year now. It’s my handwriting and I was taking notes on words in Latin that could help me understand medical terms so that when I translate something that a doctor says to a patient then it will be correct.

I was training to become a translator for English, Vietnamese and Swedish since I know them fluently and I was going to work at hospitals and legal courts. But, I realized that this was really nothing for me. I couldn’t NOT show sympathy and empathy for people I was translating for. And in order to be good at this specific job then you have to be able to disconnected these two traits and be very pragmatic. I am more pragmatic now but I still wouldn’t give it another go for obvious and not expressed reasons.

What I took from this experience was that;
* Jobs like translating wasn’t my source of inspiration to happiness.
* I find Latin to be a very interesting language since it is the ground for many of todays languages.
* It’s fun to keep little memories like this for future benefits (but I have it here now so these pages are in the trash).
* A reminder that when I feel like I haven’t achieved anything in life… i actually have done a lot trough the years.
* I’ve always done every little thing with passion, but the ultimate passion is my passion for happiness. And one can only achieve that trough honesty towards one self. I believe. So that’s why my life (for me) can seem to be inconsistent and goal-less most the time.

My interest in Latin is still here and it does help me understand “modern” words that I, at that time, don’t understand/have in my vocabulary. This has also smudged itself off onto photography. I’m super hyped on knowing more about the history of photography. Why, how, when etc.? So after I took my diploma from MoMA NYC, then I embarked on a journey towards understanding the reason why things are as they are today and where they are going! This alongside a deeper respect for the art form will help me in the NOW with my own creative choices.

Who knows what will happen in the future (virtual reality, aka VR, will take over the world that’s what’s gonna happen!) but with understanding the history of a specific subject we can make theories that (maybe) will nudge it towards something great for the world as a whole.

Whatever happens I at least know this for sure; I feel fucking great whenever I think about photography and always inspired to learn more about it… in depth.

– Much love Billie

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