The bright side of wearing black

hampus-s-225colorhampus-s-275colorhampus-s-288colorhampus-s-291color

Model: Hampus S.

I did the makeup this time. But it’s always a blast having Hampus in the studio with his energy and patience.

What month it’s been kittens! It’s fun! This life thing! Living and getting the whiplash impacts of life. After my fathers death I’ve been dealing with insane amounts of paperwork regarding his passing away. Emotionally I do break out in tears everywhere. I don’t mind crying in public. Showing emotions isn’t a problem for me. Also, I’m not a hysterical crier. I usually just get tears running down but I can still hold a understandable conversation. Dads funeral is this Sunday. World beard day event is this Saturday and tomorrow I’m in need of prepping for it.

Anyhow. I’ve finished all of my “queued” retouching work. I failed with one major client. I got a few new requests but denied all of them except one. I don’t know… what will happen to my art now. After dad passed away I had great support that forgave me for being unlogical during the weeks post death. But, I realized that I’m an exact copy of my dads personality if he became an artist instead of an engineer. I realized that he lived his whole life just to make my future something worth mentioning. That I do matter, I can inspire and being “fake” humble is worse then being wierd, rude or what-not.

On Sunday I wear black for a different reason then being Scandinavian chic. On Saturday I wear black cause it’s more professional to do so as a photographer. Tomorrow I wear black cause I’m comfortable in it. I miss him so much. My little daddy. You did the best you could under the circumstances we had. I’m going to do my best to pass on what you taught me.

I go trough stages when I feel bad. I’m very self observing so I’ve noted what i usually do to get back to happiness. First I acknowledge the “problem” then I let myself feel all sorts of negative emotions. Eventually I start talking to myself asking myself if i’m done. Do I still feel good “getting my anger out” if not then i move on to treat myself with joyous things. Like colors and shapes. I’m very visual. Simple things. Food. Cat. Shopping for cat. Wearing clothes with cats on them. Planning for fun future projects. This is where I’m at right now. I miss him awfully now and then. It hits me. But I would love to feel content with life and know that i did leave means for others expatiation when i reach the end.

“If your dreams doesn’t scare you… your dreams aren’t big enough.” – Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

– Much love Mother bunny

Advertisements