It’s the beginning of a new year, and thus comes the looking-back-at-life’ness. I’m pretty certain I’m not alone in this. Even if my chosen medium of outlet is visual i actually focused a lot on expressing myself auditory; trough music. My school years was studying to become something with music and preforming. I still have that in my backbone but i can’t really cope with expressing someone else vision. Especially when it doesn’t correlate with my own angle of life. That was my conclusion at the end of 12 years schooling myself to become an actor/singer/dancer/performer.
Photography has always been there. I just haven’t taken it seriously until recently, even if I’ve always had cool projects thrown at me from the start. I think it was a way for me to be the creator instead of the channel-er of someone else creative vision and since I’ve trained to become “the channel-er” I’ve never really questioned my so called path in life. Also, I’ve never really thought that my body of work was of value for anyone else. Since i didn’t really like what I’ve created with a camera. I still find it hard to praise my own work.
When my father passed away I couldn’t really care less about others. Not that I cared that much before (let’s be honest here), but I really lost something i still can’t define.
Anyway. My electronic music has helped me cope with loosing my connection to reality. This piece addresses my fathers last time before he passed. The doctors didn’t treat him despite us having the money for it. They pumped him with pills and then he eventually died due to the pills numbing the pain and not fixing the problem.
I miss him a lot. Often.